First, I want to say thank you. The fact that you’re reading this means you’re taking the steps to try to understand. It’s not always easy living or associating with someone with a mental illness. We can be a handful at times. Learning about the specific ailments could help you navigate various parts of your relationships. Taking a genuine interest in something we have to live with permanently speaks volumes to us. I asked a private group what are a few things we would like you to know. This is what they had to say.
“I’m sick and it’s not something I can always control or wish away.”
You wouldn’t tell someone with diabetes to “get over it.” or “control yourself!” would you? While you can’t always see our illness that doesn’t mean it’s not there. There is no magic wand or set of words to change this. Sometimes it really is beyond our control. We don’t want to deal with the emotional rollercoasters that are included but that’s not always a choice. It’s sort of like watching yourself from the third person point of view in a video game. We are there but it just takes control.
“I battle suicidal thoughts everyday.”
Even when I’m “fine” externally, it can be a raging war to keep myself alive internally. Don’t take it personally if I talk about wanting to succumb to my illness; it’s not about you or what you are or aren’t doing. Our minds trick us into thinking we are helping save you from our burdens if we aren’t around. Sometimes it’s just there, like a little nagging bug you can’t swat away.
“I don’t have many friends, go out, or drink. I stick to a routine, and I live a very boring life because I HAVE to. It’s the only way I know how to maintain stability.”
We can be flaky or shut in. It’s not out of anything other than necessity most times. Partying can often kickstart mania, which can lead us away from our path of stability rather quickly. Keeping a routine helps rein in that fear of being out of control and possibly falling off the wagon of stability.
“Comparing our illness to those who suffer from drug abuse is really hurtful.”
While we know some symptoms and behaviors can mimic those of a person using illicit substances, that’s kind of a below-the-belt hit to us. Many people who live with addiction are struggling as well. When you toss around comparison, it almost feels like you view them and us as “less than”.
“Overstimulation is so real for me, and I need quiet times often.”
Battling one’s mind daily is exhausting, so please forgive me if I have a short fuse or am tired often. I don’t mean to be snappy or crass; sometimes it’s just too much to handle one more thing. I don’t wish to be this way, but I’m doing my best, and some days look better than others.
“It’s not like the stereotype where it’s always instant snaps of mood swings. It can be spells of highs and lows.”
This isn’t a movie. This is our reality. Sometimes it can switch rapidly, but it can also be days, weeks, or even months of living in a high or low state.
“Just because I am mentally ill doesn’t mean I can’t do things or that I am broken. I am not my illness, I just live with it.”
While being given a lot of grace is necessary, I don’t need to be treated as less than. If I can survive with these obstacles, I can overcome anything else just the same. I can hold a job, drive a car, and live a relatively normal life.
Woohoo! You made it half way, here’s a gold star!
-Sami
“Help looks different for everyone.”
Some people need weekly therapy, some only once a month. Many people take medication, it doesn’t work for everyone. Lots of people prefer to do things on their own, others need a crowd of support. There is not “right way” and “one size fits all” process to this. Communication is necessary always but sometimes space is needed.
“I wish I could put it into words and explain it so you will understand but it’s not that simple.”
I can do my best to describe things, but odds are you still aren’t likely to understand. It’s just as frustrating for me as it is for you. Our brains are just wired differently and that’s ok. Please be open-minded and patient with me.
“Stability is possible.”
I can seem perfectly fine and still have a chronic illness. I can go years without dramatic incidents and still be at risk. Given the right set of tools it is very possible to maintain stability and control.
Please don’t ask, “Did you take your medication today?”
It’s so frustrating to know we aren’t taken seriously unless we’ve taken them. Sure, medication can help. But they aren’t a cure-all so I can still battle with symptoms. They can also come with unbearable side effects. Weight gain, tremors, libido issues, migraines, and many more are possibilities with each medication, and most of us need more than one a day. Also finding the right mix is very tough for some of us so medications can change frequently.
“It’s not that I’m not paying attention, sometimes my inner dialog overshadows my ability to completely focus.”
Coinsiding with overstimulation externally, my internal battle for focus can be just as difficult. It gets pretty loud inside and focusing on one more thing is rough. I’m sorry if you have to repeat yourself, I’m just trying to be sure I understood correctly and didn’t miss anything in the midst of my inner madness.
“Learn about what I’m dealing with. Help fight the stigma.”
It helps us feel seen and valid. Oftentimes, when people learn of our diagnoses, they tend to treat us differently, which feels very dehumanizing, embarrassing, and irritating. We are people just like you. We can have jobs, families, and fulfilling lives even if it might just take some extra steps.
“Sometimes I need you to fight me for me.”
I get tired of fighting myself so I might need reminded I can handle criticism and complete the work. Accountability is a big thing for us, and it is crucial to our growth. I may push back but I appreciate the effort you put into me when I can’t.
If you’ve made it to the end, thank you. I can’t say enough how much this means to many people.
Ending the stigma is a never ending fight but we are here to do our best. We appreciate your support and willingness to learn. This is not everything by any means but it’s a good start and a little look into our world. For many people this is everyday life.
Take care and be kind to yourself.
-Sami
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